


A Moment of Happienss

by Queen_of_Spades (Queens_of_Angst)



Series: Mighty Mutant Marriage Mishap: Asides and AU's [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Bay Movies), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Depression, F/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 10:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12130446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queens_of_Angst/pseuds/Queen_of_Spades
Summary: Mike is alone in his room thinking over how being married to his best friend has changed his life. He lets go of his pain for just a moment, to enjoy Shadow's happiness.[[This takes place between chapters 10 and 11 of "A Week of Bliss", somewhere before the actual date itself happens.]]





	A Moment of Happienss

**Author's Note:**

> This was a side story I wrote near the beginning of the RP before we had actually built an outline for where we would like to go with it. It counts as part of the RP canon and is not considered an AU at this time. 
> 
> This takes place between chapters 10 and 11 of "A Week of Bliss", somewhere before the actual date itself happens.

The week was almost over and Donnie had indicated he wasn’t sure if it could be fixed but he thought that he had found a solution and in a couple of days Mike’s marriage to Shadow could be dissolved as if it had never happened. It was assumed that Mikey should be happy and he even acted the part of appropriately relieved and laughed a bit when Don said not to worry, because when did Mike ever worry.

It wasn’t until he was in  his room that Mikey allowed that usual goofy cheerful mask to fall. His door was closed and he was spending the evening alone for a bit before heading over to see Shadow. The way they had scheduled their time was that while she was at work, Mike would get done anything he needed to and then come to her place either before or after patrol depending on what Leo needed. It had been a surprise when his brothers were weirdly accommodating of the situation, as Leo had not been surprised that Mike had gotten himself into this situation and the lecture did a good job of making Mikey feel worse about it. However since neither Leo nor Raph understood how online marriage worked they did not treat Mike as if he were dumb. It could have easily happened to any of them. It seemed as if they were more envious of the situation than anything but hid it well.

While Mikey would normally be happy to have his patrols cut short so that he could spend time with Shadow, it had actually made the situation worse. Only, she didn’t know that. Mike was so good at hiding his emotions that no one knew what this was really doing to him on the inside. No one was aware of just how bad things were for him. He seemed his usual funny, fun loving self. Nothing seemed any different at all. He whined when Leo asked him to do any chores, spent as much time playing video games as possible, and rushed out of the lair to go see Shadow as if his tail was on fire. 

With Shadow he still seemed the same personality wise, but his actions changed. He didn’t just come over to goof off and get out of doing anything in the lair. He made a habit of trying to get to her place either before she got off work or right as she got home. Mike tried to either have dinner ready, or as close to it as he could. He would cook for her, help her with small chores, and just tried to spend time with her. He was acting the part of husband as best he could based only on what he had seen on TV and movies, at least when the husbands were not portrayed as completely useless anyway. Then he would sit with her and watch movies, she even allowed him to snuggle with her now that he understood where the boundaries were, and he respected them. His hands never wandered and he never pushed for more than what was offered. If she noticed that his hugs seemed a little tighter, or went on a little longer than before, she never said anything.

No the only difference was when he was alone. Mike cried himself to sleep, as quietly as possible. Each night he would leave her, knowing sharing a bed was asking too much and simply giving her a hug good night and a wish for her to sleep well and dream sweet. He would make it home as everyone else was going to bed and went to his room as if nothing was wrong. It was only when he was sure he was alone and wouldn’t be interrupted that he let go of everything he was holding inside. 

Mike would sob into his pillows as he clutched them to his body. Releasing the pain that had built up inside him throughout the day. He would cry until there was nothing left and eventually pass out from both physical and emotional exhaustion. Waking up was painful and disjointing as he always felt as though his head were going to split open. He started keeping aspirin and a bottle of water by his bed to deal with the morning after pain. 

Today he sat in his room mentally preparing himself to go see Shadow. He had to smile, had to be happy, had to pretend like everything was ok and this was just them having fun. Inside he wanted to just stop existing. Part of him wanted this to end so he would never have to feel it again, but a bigger part of him never wanted it to stop. Despite the pain, these last few days had been the happiest of his life, at least for that small window where he acted the part of husband. He could let his imagination go and actually believe that it was real. He let himself feel emotions that he knew were never going to be real for him. 

Freaks did not get happy endings, monsters were not allowed to find joy in life. This was temporary until it could be fixed. He was a burden on his best friend and it was the most glorious time of his life because he knew that he would never feel this again. There was no happily ever after for Michelangelo. He was never going to find a true love, he was never going to be wanted or needed, he was never going to feel complete. No, he would only ever have that hole inside where someone should be but never would be. He would be alone, forever. Shadow would move on from this, having used him for adequate practice and eventually find someone worthy of being with her, and Mike would die alone.

The distraught terrapin clutched the pillow to his chest as he cried as quietly as he could into it. He had to get it out now or she would know, she would see how desperately alone he felt. Sometimes he hated Raphael for smashing his chance to be human, but he couldn’t hate him for long. So Mikey wept, releasing the pain so that he could show Shadow all the happiness and sunshine that she had come to expect from him. He could never let her see his pain, he could not ruin this for her. Could not taint what was a fun experience. She was enjoying it, had told him so, and there was nothing in this world that would make him ever want to destroy that for her.

Scrubbing his face he pulled on a clean mask and headed to her apartment. He was a bit later than usual as he climbed through the window. He saw her, standing there, the light from the kitchen illuminating her form. She was like an angel, beautiful and kind. His chest hurt to look at her and he almost broke down right there. Instead he forced that smile onto his face, the one that hid just how shattered his heart was. This was for her, this was all for her. As long as she was happy his pain didn’t matter. Each breath felt like he was suffocating, each beat of his heart like a stab, and still he stepped forward. He told his jokes, and spun her around. She laughed and hugged him and a little more of him died inside. Soon he would have to let her go, the illusion would be shattered, and they would be just friends again. 

Somewhere inside Mike could feel himself going numb, and emptiness consuming him until there would be nothing left. It didn’t matter. As long as she was happy, it simply didn’t matter. Even if he spent the rest of his life crying himself to sleep, and eventually dying alone, none of it mattered. For in this moment, he was making Shadow smile and for this moment, it was all that kept him alive. 


End file.
